I had a dream ……..( sigh ) ……………… no … i have a dream . How many of you , wake up , and wonder how you got where you are, wonder how you became what you are, how you ended up in the state of affairs you are in , and how time slipped away so quickly ? Well that is how i woke up today . And Yesterday , and the day before… i can remember in high school, having,’ not the most pleasant of life and times as a child’ i would daydream a lot , and dream much about the future , and how i would be as soon as i was able to be free of school, and of living at home, free in other words to pursue a dream. Dreams are funny … they tend to change as you grow.. and you tend to grow as they change. Well. I digress a bit here , but the truth is , i did dream of always in some way or other , of being an artist , it didn’t matter what format at the time, or what way or instrument or media or form of paper or paints… i dreamed of being an artist . First , it was the piano , and the dream of being a singer, oh yeah , that dream was HUGE !! i wanted to sing… i had no formal training, and of course therein lies the problem… as i needed that to evan begin a dream of singing. I did sing a lot in school, and in church, and evan sang a lot of solos and duets with my sister and a few others , but , it was not the caliber of where or what i wanted to be. SO i had the piano as my back up dream , i loved to play .. loved it so much that i would play and play all by myself, till i taught myself how to play , i can play well, but only by sight ,most can play by ear, i only play by sight , in other words, if you have the music for a song , and set it in front of me, i can play it , but if you yell out play “so and so!” i can’t .. not so much !
that is something i envy so much, but i never had the lessons to finally get that down. i do love the piano though , and would love to own one again someday …
Well.. i grew up , graduated , moved … and with it the dream changed. Not really , it was still there, i just moved with how life seemed to be pushing me, and so i dreamed other dreams… one was to learn how to do hair , be a cosmetologist ..
i can at least say , i accomplished one dream .. and did it well. I have licenses in all of the components that have to do with that , hair, nails, make-up, barber…and some massage .
i worked doing hair for most of my life.. though it was my plan to go to college and get a degree in something else, i got married , and had to work full-time, while he went to college and got his degree.. and by the time he graduated, i was in full blown, health problems… that only continued to haunt me for the rest of my life.
But with hair , comes a love of fashion … and i did work in that field for awhile, before the health crashed in too hard .
I LOVED fashion, lived and breathed it , worked retail, dressed people, and became very successful in this … became management and a self-employed shopping consultant, for those that needed help shopping to dress themselves.
I loved it all… it was a world i was very comfortable in…. but .. that dream had an end, and soon health crushed it also …
In ways im grateful, because it led me to the passion of my life.
I finally had to give up all work , doing hair … doing fashion … the only way i could work was self -employed , which was ok but only for periods of time.. and then it all ended .
what now ?
What now ?
WHAT NOW ????????????????
I took off that summer on a journey of self.. but i had a little point and shoot in my hand the whole time i was out , every day , as i left my house , or evan if i didn’t , i had that camera in my hand.. and i started documenting everything i did , and what i found, what i saw , became exceedingly more and more clear to me, that i had just stumbled on the love of my life. I started to notice , how i was falling in love with nature, how things that were so small and insignificant were starting to mean a lot , and become strangely beautiful, i started to learn , that in certain ways they would look evan better than other ways , ( composition) and i learned most of all, that i could express my feelings through a lens. i could play with how i felt, with the sorrow, the pain , the joy, the tears, the sometimes overwhelming happiness, the brokeness ,the moodiness… that everyday brought me, and i could capture it in a photo… and somehow, that made me feel i had a purpose.
I now had a way to document my life, and i wasn’t just here on earth doing nothing, feeling nothing, a nobody , with a non-existent life.
and that passion i had just discovered , grew , more and more and more every day , until i finally bought a new DSLR camera. And my dog and i would take off and find journeys of expression , to take away physical pain.
This is how my life has been ever since. Oh , I still had a love for music, (that will never die,) and i still love to draw and paint… but this , was in my soul , in a whole new way .
I now had a dream…. of becoming a photographer.
I think i have achieved that … but then , have i ? the success of a photographer , is it measured by the success of what you sell, of how far you can make it in the world of art and how you get your photos to a place of recognition , where people love them and see them as you do ? or do you get to see your work someday in a gallery ? what a dream that is !!!
The funny thing about dreams.. is , once you achieve one… you cant just stop there, you have to acquire a new one. Once you arrive at a goal…. make anew one..
Today , i awoke, and i looked at life , and yes , it does seem that life flies by , that sometimes its cruel, and takes away , but i also realize , that in this life, you have to give .. and sometimes give more.. and than more …
and its in that giving, that you find your joy .
And in the words roughly quoted of someone i admire very very much … ” when you get there, go higher, when you think you can’t , start over , and think you can , when you pursue a dream , never give up , or you’ll never reach your goal, and if you think you won’t , you won’t. All you need is the belief in yourself, and if you had only thirteen other people believing in you , than that is all you need to go as high as you ever want to go , as that is how most make it .” Chase Jarvis
So … here i am , and though today , seems rough , and i am feeling all of my 43 years of age… i can say , I still have a dream . And here is a picture of something beautiful…. my favorite season , and all of its golden glory .
i hope you enjoy!